Before I get into this next blog post, I’d like to remind you that my blog- is a Pagan blog, yes- but it is also a blog about my Pagan life. And since I am a cisgender man, I think it’s fair to say that my blog is synonymous with it being about a Pagan man’s life. Being a Pagan is defined for me not only by my practice and what’s on my altar but also by just being a man and living my mundane life; it’s in everything I do and who I am. In other words, DISCLAIMER: This blog post is about men’s underwear. So, if you’re quite happy with your current undergarment or you’d rather not read about this subject, or it doesn’t even pertain to you for whatever reason, then by all means…hit the back arrow. If, however, you’re genuinely curious about what I have to say about this subject and, more specifically, the love I have for the brand I use, then my friend, read on. I apologize in advance if I get a little graphic for you, I tend not to have a filter (or so many of my embarrassed friends remind me at certain times when I’m talking in public).
Like most guys, I’ve tried various forms of underwear throughout my development, and NONE OF THEM worked for me. That is, until now.
It started as a child. Because my father wore them, my mother bought me briefs, or whitey tighties as they’re called. I soon noticed these showed too many stains and though I could get a colored one to hide that better, I also felt incredibly uncomfortable with how tight they were down there because I noticed it caused me shrinkage which would then catch and pull on hairs. Very, very uncomfortable. In fact, I think “uncomfortable” is an understatement. Briefs are oppressive (there we go). So, trying the day and finding it lacking in comfort and freedom, I naturally tested the night. Boxers. Mini man-shorts with open fly. Ultimate comfort and freedom, right? Wrong. You would think logistically this should be great, but god forbid I wear jeans or pants that are a little snugger than “baggy.” I have to fight them to keep the boxers down as I’m pulling the pants up in the morning. And once I finally am victorious over this early battle, I realize that outside my pants, you can still see the imprisoned bunched up boxers underneath because of the creases on my thighs that transfer through. But I try to ignore this and go about my day. However, after I walk for a bit, I can feel the boxers sloooowly riding up until it feels like I’m wearing a thong (um… no thank you). So, I enter a bathroom stall and recreate the morning battle of pushing them back down as I pull my pants back up and this continues to replay throughout my day. Frustrating, to say the least.
Then, I try boxer briefs and trunks. Best of both worlds. Longer like boxers, but more form-fitting like briefs. Plus, the fitness ones include mesh areas to help that warmer area to breath and are sometimes moisture wicking. For several years I wore this type of underwear every day, and every day they would compress the boys into me, causing me to frequently have to readjust myself or taking bathroom breaks so I could let them breathe and be loose for a bit before putting the underwear back on. Boxer briefs and trunks aren’t as bad as briefs, but the subtle irritation daily was starting to take a toll. Like a Chinese water torture, I’d had enough and was ready to move on. Next, I tried fashion underwear. A little pricier, but most of these included built-in bulges. Allowances for room. During this period, I also tried fashion jockstraps and soon realized both styles just weren’t for me. True, fashion underwear felt more comfortable so far, but neon colored plaid and bright, baby blue really isn’t my style. The jock straps…confused me ‘cause like I was bare but I wasn’t. However, they did give me an idea I had not yet considered: Commando. Free balling it saved cash, frustration, and discomfort (aside from that time when I accidentally zipped up my foreskin). I went commando for about a good three years of my life. Some pants and jeans this worked fine with; the fly and material are thick enough, no one can tell. However, a lot of my pants, especially my slacks and gym shorts, not so much. I tend to have little shame and a healthy dose of self-confidence, but no one else needs to see that shit; some may be okay with it, but not everyone is, and above all, I try to be respectful. Unlike some of my friends, I don’t wear Utilikilts, so I needed more versatility.
Ergo my current preferred underwear. After researching out the ass, I finally found a company that makes a unique style unto them (though since then, I’ve noticed other companies starting to replicate their version to follow suit). The company’s called MyPakage and is designed for (you’ll never guess) …your package. They’re form-fitting underwear with a separate pouch that the whole family goes into, twig and berries, through a smaller access opening they call, “the keyhole.” Think modern day codpiece. This clever design cradles my boys and keeps everything away from my thighs so I can move throughout my day, however I want to. The fact that I forget I’m even wearing anything down there proves to me this is the most freedom and comfort I have ever felt in any of the previous styles of underwear I’ve tried. When I put on a pair of their underwear in the morning, it’s like slipping on a tiny warm cloud, complete with harp-playing cherubs, that no one knows but me. They’re a little pricey for underwear but seriously guys, you get what you pay for. ALL of my underwear is made by MyPakage. As of this writing, I own 16 of their boxer briefs, 8 of their fitness boxer briefs, one pair of their briefs, and one pair of their long underwear. I also own three pairs of their compression leggings, one pair of their 2-in-1 gym shorts, and I even own two of their T-shirts (also, I’m on their loyalty program to earn points for every purchase)!
If that doesn’t say a happy customer, I don’t know what does. I’ve even gotten pairs for several of my guy friends who also now swear by them. So there you have it! My blogging recommendation, and a personal ode, to the first and last garment of clothing that touches my body and lets me concentrate on my Pagan life in all that time in between. Cheers.
“From the cradle to the coffin, underwear comes first”. -Bertolt Brecht